Heartbreak High

To say Hongkongers are quite keen on education would be like saying Charlie Sheen is quite keen on cocaine.  It is only a slight exaggeration to say that Hongkongers consider a good education more important for their children than oxygen.

Evidence of this is everywhere in Hong Kong, although the most prominent examples are the massive billboards advertising tutor schools.  Tutor schools offer cram classes for high school students.  You remember back at high school, how every day after school finished you were just raring to start an evening of tutorials?  No?  Well, you weren't competing for a university place with tens of thousands of other students who were.

These billboards have to be seen to be believed - therefore I have included a modest example below.  They generally feature the tutors dressed and coiffed like members of One Direction (for those of us over 30, read New Kids on the Block) with their name and subject in lights.

Actually the billboard above has an unusual number of older guys in glasses (notice that those guys teach subjects like physics and chemistry, while the pretty young things generally teach English).  This school must have not run this ad past their agency - most billboards are 90% cool young dudes like Alan Chan there on the far left.   The more successful tutors earn millions, drive sports cars, get recognised in the street and (I can safely assume) alienate the remainder of the academic community.

Just in case you are missing him already, here is Alan on the side of a tram, this time wearing a cool leather jacket. Not sure if his hair is parted on the other side or the photo has been flipped.

But the insanity need not wait until you are in school.  It can start when you apply for schools.  Hong Kong has a severe shortage of English-speaking schools, which are the desirable kind for expats and locals alike.  Of course, the government has plenty of money and could fund more schools at any time, but in important areas like real estate and education, the Hong Kong government likes to encourage shortages in order to generate a bit of desperate Darwinian competition amongst the populace.

The number of applications to international and other English-speaking schools is staggering.  Last year, the German-Swiss School (which despite its name teaches in English and German) received 1,600 applications for 120 vacancies.  The numbers would be similar at other international schools.

Shortly after my arrival in Hong Kong, there was a story in the paper about a man who had been successfully prevented from jumping to his death from a bridge in Wan Chai.  He was suicidal because his daughter had failed to get a place in a private school. I can only hope they sent Alan Chan out to talk him down.  That guy looks like he could handle anything.