Ok Hong Kong - you don't understand me and I certainly don't understand you. So let's make a deal: I will start eating duck feet if you lay off my kids.
I'm fortunate enough to have three boys. When we are out and about, it's usually on the MTR. Now, my boys are rarely what you would describe as well-behaved on the train. Robbie, our 3 year old, likes to swing on the various handles and poles, fight with his brother, and loudly announce that he doesn't have a seat until some old lady with a walking frame offers him hers. Often I feel as though I have set a couple of chimpanzees loose on the unsuspecting public. However, as it turns out, I could hardly attract more attention if I had.
I was surprised to discover that most Hongkongers have apparently never seen a small child before. I don't know how this is possible, given that there are 7 million Hongkongers and the population does not seem to be decreasing, but it certainly seems that way. When my kids and I walk into a train carriage, the place becomes a recreation of the scene in Children of Men where everyone realises the main character is holding a baby and they all stop rioting and just stand in stunned silence.
Everyone is transfixed by our baby. Now, admittedly, Jeremy is a pretty cute baby, but Melburnians seem to be able to restrain themselves to a quick glance or a perhaps a smile. In Hong Kong, it is not unusual when holding Jeremy to look up and see what I initially assume is a crazy person bobbing their head, pulling faces or making the sort of noises you make at a budgerigar. Jeremy of course loves every minute of this. What we didn't love so much was the old woman on the bus who reached into her handbag and handed Jeremy a packet of Tiny Teddies. Unfortunately his motor control is not yet sufficiently advanced to open a packet of biscuits - and also HE HAS NO TEETH. She seemed disappointed when we relieved him of the packet and put it away. Presumably she was expecting that we would pull out a thermos of tea.
While Jeremy loves making new friends, Robbie is not so keen on the attention. The other day I took the boys to Hong Kong Disneyland. We got on the Mickey Mouse train (which incidentally is the happiest damn train on earth) and, as is his modus operandi, Robbie scanned the carriage for empty seats and identified a one foot-wide space with a window view between three middle-aged mainland women as prime squeezing-in room. He shoved them aside, parked himself in between them and stared squarely out the window.
The women cooed over him enthusiastically. Fine. Then they started to laugh amongst themselves about how cute he was. Ok. Then they reached for their cameras. Starting to get creepy. Then they started to try and poke him to get his attention so he would turn towards the camera. This seemed to me to be a bit much, which clearly Robbie was also thinking, as he reacted by turning to the camera and giving a frown last seen on Arnold from "Diff'rent Strokes". This of course led to gales of laughter amongst the women, which made Robbie frown harder.
When we got off the train, Robbie was clearly a bit upset, at least for a three year old arriving at Disneyland. He said "Daddy, those ladies were laughing at me."
"They weren't laughing at you Robbie, they just thought you were cute."
"I'm not cute. I'm a big boy."
The child has a point. Three year olds deserve to be taken seriously, regardless of how cute they or their expressions may be.
By all accounts, Robbie may have gotten off lightly. Apparently some friends of ours visiting Disneyland had their two year old picked up by a stranger and carried off to be in a photograph. Now I am trying very hard to understand Chinese culture but I can't crack this one. Let's put aside the practice of filling your photo albums with holiday snaps of you posing with the children of people you don't know, I am not quite sure who would consider physically carrying off someone else's child as Magic Kingdom-appropriate behavior. Apart from a wicked witch, obviously.
But the creepiest bit of camera work we have encountered was on the Star Ferry a few weeks ago - and it involved a tourist, not a local. An American guy was sitting behind Gen on the ferry pulling the usual faces at Jeremy. He then leans over and says "My wife thinks your baby is cute".
This would have been unremarkable, except that he was sitting alone. "Right. And where's your wife?" Gen asked.
"Oh, she's back home. I just texted her a photo."
I believe the Chinese have an expression - WTF?
I'm fortunate enough to have three boys. When we are out and about, it's usually on the MTR. Now, my boys are rarely what you would describe as well-behaved on the train. Robbie, our 3 year old, likes to swing on the various handles and poles, fight with his brother, and loudly announce that he doesn't have a seat until some old lady with a walking frame offers him hers. Often I feel as though I have set a couple of chimpanzees loose on the unsuspecting public. However, as it turns out, I could hardly attract more attention if I had.
I was surprised to discover that most Hongkongers have apparently never seen a small child before. I don't know how this is possible, given that there are 7 million Hongkongers and the population does not seem to be decreasing, but it certainly seems that way. When my kids and I walk into a train carriage, the place becomes a recreation of the scene in Children of Men where everyone realises the main character is holding a baby and they all stop rioting and just stand in stunned silence.
Everyone is transfixed by our baby. Now, admittedly, Jeremy is a pretty cute baby, but Melburnians seem to be able to restrain themselves to a quick glance or a perhaps a smile. In Hong Kong, it is not unusual when holding Jeremy to look up and see what I initially assume is a crazy person bobbing their head, pulling faces or making the sort of noises you make at a budgerigar. Jeremy of course loves every minute of this. What we didn't love so much was the old woman on the bus who reached into her handbag and handed Jeremy a packet of Tiny Teddies. Unfortunately his motor control is not yet sufficiently advanced to open a packet of biscuits - and also HE HAS NO TEETH. She seemed disappointed when we relieved him of the packet and put it away. Presumably she was expecting that we would pull out a thermos of tea.
While Jeremy loves making new friends, Robbie is not so keen on the attention. The other day I took the boys to Hong Kong Disneyland. We got on the Mickey Mouse train (which incidentally is the happiest damn train on earth) and, as is his modus operandi, Robbie scanned the carriage for empty seats and identified a one foot-wide space with a window view between three middle-aged mainland women as prime squeezing-in room. He shoved them aside, parked himself in between them and stared squarely out the window.
The women cooed over him enthusiastically. Fine. Then they started to laugh amongst themselves about how cute he was. Ok. Then they reached for their cameras. Starting to get creepy. Then they started to try and poke him to get his attention so he would turn towards the camera. This seemed to me to be a bit much, which clearly Robbie was also thinking, as he reacted by turning to the camera and giving a frown last seen on Arnold from "Diff'rent Strokes". This of course led to gales of laughter amongst the women, which made Robbie frown harder.
When we got off the train, Robbie was clearly a bit upset, at least for a three year old arriving at Disneyland. He said "Daddy, those ladies were laughing at me."
"They weren't laughing at you Robbie, they just thought you were cute."
"I'm not cute. I'm a big boy."
The child has a point. Three year olds deserve to be taken seriously, regardless of how cute they or their expressions may be.
By all accounts, Robbie may have gotten off lightly. Apparently some friends of ours visiting Disneyland had their two year old picked up by a stranger and carried off to be in a photograph. Now I am trying very hard to understand Chinese culture but I can't crack this one. Let's put aside the practice of filling your photo albums with holiday snaps of you posing with the children of people you don't know, I am not quite sure who would consider physically carrying off someone else's child as Magic Kingdom-appropriate behavior. Apart from a wicked witch, obviously.
But the creepiest bit of camera work we have encountered was on the Star Ferry a few weeks ago - and it involved a tourist, not a local. An American guy was sitting behind Gen on the ferry pulling the usual faces at Jeremy. He then leans over and says "My wife thinks your baby is cute".
This would have been unremarkable, except that he was sitting alone. "Right. And where's your wife?" Gen asked.
"Oh, she's back home. I just texted her a photo."
I believe the Chinese have an expression - WTF?